I am your umbrella...

Jakey Joe, Bo and Sweet Emily,
My mind is going sort of non-stop this week, and I would love to compose some thoughts to wrap some sort of idea or life lesson in a nice little package for you. I don't really think that's going to be happening...but, let's just play it out anyway.
This week has been crazy. Jake is finishing up school, Cade's arrival is imminent, we are trying to finish lots of projects on the house, we have LOTS of places to be...you know just the usual sort of stuff. I have a friend, who is possibly going through one of the worst weeks in her life, and I have been thinking about her alot. And you know, devestating things will happen in your life, earth-shattering, life-altering things--and time and again you will be amazed that life just keeps going right on around you. People are still out driving their cars, you still have to eat meals, brush your teeth, answer telemarketing calls. And you will feel sort of incredulous..."Doesn't everyone know that my world just fell off it's axis". And what can I say, it's all sort of part of this bizarre life experience that we all have. You pretty much just have to resign yourself to getting out bed in the morning putting on clothes brushing your teeth...and gutting it out.
I remember being sick one day in elementary school. And Yaya said to me "Just get up and get dressed and make your bed. You will feel better, and at the end of the day you can say you accomplished something." It's awful, but it's true. When big terrible and little terrible things happen if you can keep moving your feet moving forward, you will get through it. (And like me, you may turn into a compulsive bed-maker...I think I am losing track).
You are these precious little people who for the most part have been shielded from so many things. I really feel like that is my job right now. I am your umbrella. My whole job is to protect you, and then to gradually fold the umbrella up. But, I don't really want to--fold the umbrella up I mean. I don't want to ever let anything bad or sad or terrible touch you. I want you to believe that the world is all lollipops and legos and giggling. But, it's not, and I have to arm you for a battle that you don't even know exists.
This would be easier if I wasn't so in love with each of you. I didn't know that a heart could fill itself up to capacity with so much love. My cup runneth over...
You each make me smile in so many ways...
Jake, with your tenderness and compassion...
Nick, with your discovering of the world around you ("why I ask why?")...
Emily, with your huge smile so big it's hardly even a smile anymore...

And, now it is lunchtime...and my thoughts are rambling, and as I said before...no neat little package. The seeds of what I want to say are in there, but they have not blossomed yet...maybe they will later.

"But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;
I will proclaim your righteousness, yours alone.
Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come....
...Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again..." Psalm 71.14-19,20

Love you forever, no matter what,
mommy