...so loved...

Last year at this time was a little melancholy for me. And, it's entirely possible that I never really got into the Christmas spirit--being a bit divided as we were. But this year, it's all gravy (as they say). So we are making the most of it. And if that means there is an opportunity to have a cookie party--we're doin' it!
Bring on the gum drops and Christmas colored M&M's, baby! This group is ready for a sugar high!



And, we are so grateful for all friends that surround us (CadeyPie--we TOTALLY missed you!!!!), and make days like today possible. That families will give up their Sunday afternoons to come hang with us. To decorate cookies and eat Chinese food. And man, oh man, am I grateful for an opportunity to enjoy some moments like these. Because there was a time when I wondered if they would ever come again.

So, celebrate this season we will. "Because God so loved the world, that he sent his only son..." And this season is a constant and deliberate celebration of that love--and each of these children is so loved.

Today, we had a moment to wrap ourselves up in the joy and frivolity of the many, many blessings that have been poured over us, by a generous and gracious God. And when I allow myself to stop for a minute the constant whirling in my head of lists, and tasks, and things to finish, I realize how much I appreciate all that has been given to me; for dearest family, for precious friends, for a house full of children. Because apparently, not only are those around me so loved, but so am I....

My Cup Runneth Over...

Oh My Little Zacky,

And so it has come. Your First Birthday. A Birthday. A birthday that wasn't just a given in my mind. Something assumed. Instead it is something we approach for the milestone that it is. A marked passage of time, significant in its length. One year.

You were born one year ago today. Almost 8 weeks early. And your body was huge on the outside--enormous for your age. But, wow, those lungs of yours--they confounded the doctors for weeks.

When I see pictures like this of you, I am right back there. There in that hospital, listening to the beeping and whirling of machines, monitoring breathing. Your life that I take so for granted, even now. But back in that hospital, when they put you on a ventilator and gave you a chest tube. I did not take those breaths for granted. Maybe my perspective is different, after watching the nurses and doctors watch you and step in front of us. Wheeling in screens from around the NICU. For privacy, ours and that of the other parents, equally terrified for their own babies. Huddling with Daryn as they were saying things like "bag him" and words I'll never understand. If I stop and let myself for a moment I am right back there all over again...

But instead, there is this. A boy who loves to explore. Who has never wanted a moment of silence, even when he is sleeping. Smiley and happy. Wiggly and squirmy. You are not much of a snuggler. I mean you'll give the obligatory squeeze and pat, but the world is too big and too wide to spend much time hanging out in your mama's lap.

Um, I may have neglected to mention how loved you are. No really, I mean you are so incredibly loved. Well Loved. By so many people. And mostly by these three. Your amigos. Your comrades in arms. These three would walk through burning buildings for you. Some of them can't even let you take a nap without going in to get you because they've missed you (Emily, I'm lookin' at you here...."Mommy!!! Zacky's UP!"). And, truth be told, the way you watch them, I'm pretty sure you are equally enthralled by all of them.

I don't know what to say, Bubby. How is it possible that we made it though? How is it that my baby is one? My goodness, Sweet Cheeks, slow down on the growing up. You are it for me. My baby, and I don't want to baby you too much. I know, oh so well, that you have places to go and people to see. You have big punks to keep up with. But, my sweet one, don't race to far ahead. Let me savor your fat baby toes and your squeezy cheeks.

I adore and love you beyond words. I cannot describe it but to say, "My cup runneth over."

I love you forever, no matter what,

Mommy

"Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce I will restore twice as much to you"

Zechariah 9:12

We Are

It was a busy week here. As weeks often are. For everyone, not just us. We had field trips (two of them), and football games (two of them), and gymnastics and meetings and homework and brownie haunted houses. It was just a week here. Like weeks everywhere. For lots of people.
And that was what was so wonderfully fantastic about it.
Because last year. On a Sunday in October, our life took a dramatic shift. It changed and rotated. Everything moved all around. We had to regroup and refocus. We had to ask for help. We had to watch from the sidelines. It was humbling. It was trying. Not just for us, but for everyone connected to us. We realized what an incredible network of people we have been so blessed to call friends and family. We have seen the true generosity that lies within peoples' hearts.
We were awestruck. We were grateful. We were humbled.

And time has moved on. As it always does. And situations change as they so often do. And things got better, in ways you hope for in the quiet of your heart--but don't believe will happen in the noise that is in your head. We have been blessed beyond measure. We are blessed to have our crazy week, just like your crazy week. Just like weeks everywhere.
We are awestruck. We are grateful. We are humbled.

The boy.

My Jake, sweetest dearest Jake--
This blog is late, and you know this rings true of your mother. I won't even try to make any excuses...it is something you will roll your eyes about in years to come.
Your birthday. Your birthday! Nine years old...your last year in single digits. 3rd grade. Total goofball. Unbelievablely tender.

I love to watch how all the little children in your life light up with joy when you come into a room. And you are always ready for them with open arms. Big broad shoulders and a strong back for carrying wee ones around. And there are lots of little children, not just your brothers and sisters, but cousins and friends...the list goes on. And you are just as excited to see each of them. It is evident in your voice when you speak to them. I love that you love to go upstairs and get little kids up in the morning. play chase. give piggy back rides.

In the last year I have become very dependent on your capabilities. You can pick up, clean up, fix up, carry, lift, push, pull everything. Groceries. Trash. Babies. Furniture. I can't tell you how many times we went to the grocery store this summer and I thought how much easier it was because you were there. You push someone, I push someone. Nick walks. We made it everywhere this summer because of that.

You are also totally goof. Weird when you get excited. Loud. Crazy. Boyish. Childish. My child.

But I am also see the man you will become more and more. In your walk. In your determination when you set your mind out to do something. In your tenderness with your brothers and sister. In the moments of intuitiveness and reason that are beginning to peak through more and more.

It is a delight to be your mother. I cannot think of anything better. You are sunshine to me. And rainy days. And everything in between. You are wonderful.

What in the world did I ever do to deserve you?
Love you forever, no matter what!
Mommy

Whiplash

School. Is. Here.

Summer is a blur. A whiplash-inducing, snap of events already gone. Even the weather tonight (during football practice. good grief.) tried to convince us that fall is marching steadily on it's way.

So, now two in school. Two at home. Divide and conquer? Surreal? Quite possibly.

I'm excited about this new time in our lives. After missing the bulk of the last school year, I am looking forward to this year. I am hopeful at the idea of diving in and being more involved. I am more and more painfully aware at the speed of life whizzing by me. And even though I often get stuck and mired down in the details of life--my wish is that our memories as a family will be the good stuff, the big stuff. Not the "can't find a 1 1/2 in. red binder", "chew with your mouth closed", "go sit on the naughty spot" kind of memories.

Anyway, here we go. School year 2010-2011, show us what ya got.

Summer 2010 (the single blog of the summer. what can i say?)

Soooo, apparently, I am completely incapable of having four children, taking care of a house that is on the market, travel, swim, play, feed said children, clothe said children, and also remember to ever update a blog. I have no excuse, besides being tired. And really, I've been tired for about 9 years now, with no end in sight...I have no excuse.
Anyway, just so my children will remember that we did have a great time, here is my "Summer 2010" blog--all wrapped up in one post. I'm very efficient that way.
Over 4th of July weekend, we made a VERY last minute road trip to Austin. Super fun. We were on our way to lunch at Gran's and within 45 minutes, decided to go, made a hotel reservation, turned around and got some clothes and headed back out the door. It's kind of fun to finally feel like we can do last minute stuff like that again. I think we were feeling like we were stuck in holding pattern before...but we are slowly awakening to the possibilities that we can still figure out how to do stuff without a plan in place ahead of time. Revolutionary.

Then two days later, the kids and I took off for space camp in Houston with a friend and her boys. Again, a total mind shift. I can travel by myself with all four kids. It makes me really excited for next summer, because those four punks and I are taking off for parts unknown--even if D can't make it with us all the time, we will take pictures and make memories for him.
Anyway, Houston was great--but I think I forgot to take pictures. All I have is the Space Center from the day we left--hopefully at some point in the future, I will find my other pictures on a different computer. But honestly, that could be years from now...We managed to hit children's museums all over the state this summer, which is totally and completely worth it. I love the idea of wearing out all four children simultaneously.

We also swam, and played. Went to lake houses. Jet skied. (My daughter may be an adrenaline junkie). Watched fireworks (thank you Grapevine for hosting our own private fireworks show every Friday at 9:30--we can watch it from our backyard). Camped at Woo and Grandad's (Camp Grands certainly warrants its own post). And made it through this summer of 184 degree heat swimmingly--even if it was at warp speed. Wow, these days have passed quickly. A blur really.
And now, we get ready to jump into fall with both feet! Hopefully, I will remember to blog again before Christmas...

This is who he is

Sweet Daryn,

I wanted to write you a note (always a little late) to celebrate your birthday. I wanted you to know (again and always) how very much I love you. I have started and deleted this so many times. How do I begin to express what you mean to me?

I think I know you better (or perhaps more completely) since we have had children. Or maybe even to put it better, as we have had each child. I have watched these changes in you, so tiny and minute, but changes in you that are like a ship making a single degree change in course. What seems insignificant puts you in a totally different place in the end. To say you are a good dad is far to pat a thing to say. Your love for your children in expressed in so many multitudes of ways. You know them, each individually, collectively, their nuances and idiosincracies. Some of this you knew already, some of this you learned "on the fly" back in October. It is a joy to watch you father these children. To know that you have a goal for the end result in mind.




You are a man of honor and integrity. You are a man full of hope. Every day you wake up believing that it will be a better day than yesterday.


You are a man who loves his family. This is an amazing gift in this day and age. You think of us all the time. Most of the decisions you make, are made with us in mind.

You are a man who loves God. And above all us, this is what matters. You seek Him. You listen for Him. You teach your children about Him. This is who you are, and I could never ask for anything more.
You are treasured and adored. I love you forever, no matter what!

Punks Nevertheless

Mmmmmkay.
So, we have put our house on the market. Not in our original plan when we built it 3 years ago, but we are doing our best to listen and react when God lays something on our hearts. So, promptly after having baby number 4 we put our house on the market. Which wigs me out a little, because how am I going to keep a house ready for showings and also live there full time with four kids? The laundry alone threatens to keep the front door from opening most days. But, nevertheless, we are giving it a very organized go.
So, Sunday before church, I packed a picnic lunch. And we headed right to a park after church. So quiet and sweet, and we were the only ones there. And we haven't done a picnic with all 6 of us before. It was nice to do something fun and different. No, not at all like Molly and her crew's park time in London right now. It is hot, way hot. So Very Hot. You think you might melt hot. And the kids have bright red checks the moment they step out of the air conditioned car. But even so, we had a blast. There was lots of chase (or if you are in the 2 and under crowd, lots of running aimlessly and screaming), climbing, swinging, and of course...eating.

And I had to snap pictures of the sweaty munchkins...because I adore them, in all their sweaty pink-cheeked glory. I appreciate what great sports they are being about all of this. The not being at home, the reservations they have about moving. Jake has a moment every day where he stuns me with his willingness to be helpful, and the capableness of his hands. I don't know what I would do right now without that sweet boy. Nick with his attempts to find humor in every situation. Emily with her desire to nuture and protect. Zack with his completely chi-laxed attitude. Punks nevertheless, but ohmygoodness, how I love them so....

Big Ticket

Ok. I love all my kids equally.
I really, really do. Really.

But he gets his picture taken more than the others. He's more stationary. And agreeable. He doesn't go running when he sees my camera, or complain about which lens I have on--because there is a direct correlation between my lens size and the length of time I am going to want them to sit still...I digress. As usual.

Big Ticket.
Totally delish.
Kind of want to eat him up.

Yum.

A Boy and His Sister

There is not a doubt in the world about whose baby this is.
He's hers.

Just ask her.

Bikin' it out...

Saturday afternoon.
She was the "big kid" at home.
Time for a bike riding lesson.
We train them young around here.

Time.

I feel a little guilty sitting down to blog this today. There are SO many things that need to be done. Floors to mop, meals to cook, laundry to fold, laundry to fold , laundry to fold (you get the idea right?). And so I feel like this is a guilty pleasure of time I cannot afford. But, it's been WAY. TO. LONG. So, I am typing as fast as my fingers will go, and begging the mountains of laundry not to eat the children before I am finished.

It was a cloudy afternoon yesterday...great for taking pictures of kids. Natural light, but full shade--if I was less of an amateur I could work around this. Taking pictures in full sun where the children don't have giant black shadows on their faces and their eyes show...but I digress. The boys and I went outside to take a few pics. Honestly, I didn't get anything spectacular--shockingly they weren't just dying to have their pictures taken. Whatever. But I was watching the two of them on the porch. Jake had to walk up the front walk. Nick, of course, climbed up the rail--because how else would you do it. Then Jake was trying to lift Nick off the rail...the next thing I know I am saying "no", "no...remember, your head".
That made me start thinking about how long this is taking for his head to heal. How much longer we still have to go. Which then led me to start thinking about all the "stuff" going on in our lives right now. The constant state of flux, wondering and worrying. And I am constantly praying and believe that God will fix these things immediately. I mean I'm praying for that, so why would he not get these things taken care of in the now about which I am so worried. Then I stop and think, he called the mountains up out of...out of nothing. He formed the planets and breath. I can't even get three blueberry bushes planted. I'm thinking he and I have a different perspective on time. That's all I'm sayin.

And this sweet little nugget. Or "Big" as he is referred to around here. I mean check him out. I (really we) marvel at him all the time. Every time people see him they are shocked by how big he has gotten. Truthfully, he was never one of those preemies who is so tiny that he could fit in the palm of your hand. He was small by "Eudaly" standards...but lots of people have 5 pound babies.
So there is an abundance of hugs and kisses around this house for ZackyBoy. Everybody wants to get there hands on him. Nick especially--total doting big brother. Sort of marvelous.

Oh. My. Gosh. There are no words to describe the wonderfulness of this doll. She is equal parts perfection and beligerance. She is unlike anything I have ever seen. She has moments of unadulterated attitude, followed by a moment of divine tenderness. Throw in a little mischevious giggle and that is about a minute and a half with her. Bliss.

So anyway you Fabulous Four. Love you more than words and time and mountains of clean laundry.

5. A little late.

I feel like you always end up all squished in the middle of things. Not getting our full attention. Not getting your allowance of time and adoration.
There were no "middle children" in my family growing up. Only the oldest and the youngest. So you, my NickyBobo, are my first experience with a middle child. And sometimes my heart breaks for you just a little.
Yet, you were made to be a middle child. You truly believe that Jake hung the moon. Anything he does is, in all reality, just about wonderful with you. And you would walk through fire for him. Anytime. But you are tender and compassionate for the littler members of your brigade. You worry over them. You hug and kiss them. You like them. You really, really like them. Even when sometimes they do things to you that are not all that likeable. You endure them with a big brother's tears and frustration.


Your birthday weekend was not uneventful this year. We had a real party planned. We really did. But your brother fell off his scooter, broke his head, and had to spend the night in the hosptial. And you had an asthma/croup attack and went to the ER in the middle of the night. So we cancelled your party and layed low. We had family and a few friends over. And you thought this was your party. And I'm not sure if I should correct you. And I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse. That you expectations for yourself are not big and grand. That your birthday kind of got squished off to the side in the midst of crazy.
And I just don't want you to feel squished off to the side. We are a family with a lot going on. We have been residing here on Chaos Island for quite some time--and there are lots of family members whose feelings I am pretty certain of. But yours. Yours my sweet boy, are more hidden and disguised. Not right on the surface--at least not in their natural state.

So, Nick (as you so adamantly want to be called), to you the Happiest of Happy Birthdays. May your dreams and wishes come true. May this year ahead be full of adventure and challenges. I hope it is a year of fantastic suprises and joyful delights. Full of driveway ice cream days and camp-out flashlight nights.
You are the best NickyBobo I could ever imagine.
Love you forever, no matter what!
Mommy

How we roll...

ohmygosh!

It's March.

By this time last year, we were practically living outside. However, this year has been a different story. The weather, and crazy life, has gotten the best of us.

But we kicked off our inaugural day of "outdoor season" with afternoon ice cream on the driveway. I like to think it helps control the mess, but if you saw the house this afternoon, you would think "what difference does it make? really."

Jake hooked a sista up with some swing pushing. (And this picture was taken from the deck at the top of the backyard--I had nothing to do with the swing pushing negotiations).

Nick, being the lovely brother that he is, stepped in when Jake had had enough.

And because I am always there with my camera. Here. It is. On film. The tortures that all siblings do. Unprovoked.

But, seriously, he wonders why she bites him. Come. On.

And Mister Man got to see the sunshine today. Hung out with his peeps in the garage.

That's how we roll.

Happy. Happy.

Emmy Grace...
I do believe that two suits you! How has this happened this explosion of you? Your words, your voice, your force. A whirlwind. A hurricane. A tornado. The whisper of wind on your face. The hands of my two year old girl on my face to turn me towards her for a hug. "My Mommy" you say to anyone within hearing distance. Over and over and over my heart claims you with that same song, "My Emmy". To indentify you as mine is a joy that paints my life in sunshine rays.


You have ideas. Big ideas. And already you are so capable of executing them. It rarely occurs to you to ask for help. Or permission. The risk of "the no" is too great for you. So instead you plunge on ahead. Certain. Sure. Hopefully we will encourage this in you. Refine it a bit perhaps. But it is the beginning of something that I hope blossoms and grows. A sense that God knew what he was doing when he made you. That he gave you a strong mind and capable hands to go through life with. For he knew already, how far these gifts would carry you.


Prettiest little girl. I've never thought a girl's looks are the most important thing about her. Because always. Always. There is so much more beneath the surface. Still, there has never in the world been a little girl that is more adorable. When I look at you everything about you makes me smile. Your dark, beautiful hair. Your brown eyes. Your teeny tiny nose. All these individual parts, put together to make up this adorable little you. I tell you all the time "I could eat you up". And its the truth. I am enraptured by you.


Happy, Happy Emmy! (as Cade says). And so to the rest of us follow. In all that we wish for you this coming year. My darling, amazing, delightful little girl.
Happy. Happy. Emmy.

Love you forever, no matter what,
Mommy