So, on January 2nd, I was up early, journaling to God about the New Year (and the old year too. Still complaining a little I guess). And I saw the sun rising through these trees. And I was thinking how much these trees look exactly like my life right now. A little blurry, indistinguishable from one another--pretty messy. But still the sunrise can shine through--and wow. I really want that to be a metaphor for my walk with God. And I so don't think it is right now....but it has been before....and I am hopeful that it will be again. So maybe that will be 2009 for me. Hope.

So, punks -- a few thoughts and prayers from me to you on 2009.


Jakey Cakes,

My prayer for you is that 2009 is a year of hope. 2008 has had its share of growing pains for you. You have shown me how you are growing in maturity and compassion and empathy. But you have had your share of struggles, some self-inflicted and some that have to do, unfortunately, with growing older and learning to deal with life.

Life is a mixed bag. It's has stuff in it that is crummy and unfair and unjust. But it also has jewels and gems and things in it that make it good. Sometimes great. Sometimes bliss. With my whole heart I wish that I could take all the not great stuff away, but I can't. So instead I hope you learn, again, that my whole job is to walk beside you down this path of life, to be your protector and teacher and eventually the one who is simply standing on the sidelines cheering with all her might.

You are incredible and strong and smart and tender and fearless. You are my first, you had my heart from the moment I laid eyes on you.

Emmy Grace,

Wow Little Girl! How you have grown! What are my prayers for you in 2009? I hope that you will begin to have an idea of how deeply you are loved. You are a whirlwind, and when I think of 2009 for you I begin to spin myself. 2009 is going to be full of so many more firsts for you. And I can't wait to watch. And I dread the watching. You are growing so quickly, you move so fast. You are a miracle to me. Your life. Your heart, your very breath, it is nothing but a gift. You are more than I ever imagined. You are more.

Nicky Bo,

My hopes for you for 2009 mimic these pictures. I hope first of all that you laugh. Alot. I hope that you stretch yourself beyond what you deem possible -- because the world is full of doors that are waiting for you to open. You are so brave and so true. So undeniably yourself. I can see glimpses at 3 of the man you will become. You are full of hope and smiles and giggles -- and my prayer for you for this year is that these things will continue to become ingrained into the person of you. You are joy and laughter and hope to me. I can say this again and again and again.

On another note, Emily is trying really hard to keep her feet out of the grass. It's okay to put your feet in the grass, and get dirty. Or don't -- but enjoy the trying not to. Life is dirty sometimes, and that's okay -- I have a lot of soap!

I love you punks!

Mommy