Big Ticket

Ok. I love all my kids equally.
I really, really do. Really.

But he gets his picture taken more than the others. He's more stationary. And agreeable. He doesn't go running when he sees my camera, or complain about which lens I have on--because there is a direct correlation between my lens size and the length of time I am going to want them to sit still...I digress. As usual.

Big Ticket.
Totally delish.
Kind of want to eat him up.

Yum.

A Boy and His Sister

There is not a doubt in the world about whose baby this is.
He's hers.

Just ask her.

Bikin' it out...

Saturday afternoon.
She was the "big kid" at home.
Time for a bike riding lesson.
We train them young around here.

Time.

I feel a little guilty sitting down to blog this today. There are SO many things that need to be done. Floors to mop, meals to cook, laundry to fold, laundry to fold , laundry to fold (you get the idea right?). And so I feel like this is a guilty pleasure of time I cannot afford. But, it's been WAY. TO. LONG. So, I am typing as fast as my fingers will go, and begging the mountains of laundry not to eat the children before I am finished.

It was a cloudy afternoon yesterday...great for taking pictures of kids. Natural light, but full shade--if I was less of an amateur I could work around this. Taking pictures in full sun where the children don't have giant black shadows on their faces and their eyes show...but I digress. The boys and I went outside to take a few pics. Honestly, I didn't get anything spectacular--shockingly they weren't just dying to have their pictures taken. Whatever. But I was watching the two of them on the porch. Jake had to walk up the front walk. Nick, of course, climbed up the rail--because how else would you do it. Then Jake was trying to lift Nick off the rail...the next thing I know I am saying "no", "no...remember, your head".
That made me start thinking about how long this is taking for his head to heal. How much longer we still have to go. Which then led me to start thinking about all the "stuff" going on in our lives right now. The constant state of flux, wondering and worrying. And I am constantly praying and believe that God will fix these things immediately. I mean I'm praying for that, so why would he not get these things taken care of in the now about which I am so worried. Then I stop and think, he called the mountains up out of...out of nothing. He formed the planets and breath. I can't even get three blueberry bushes planted. I'm thinking he and I have a different perspective on time. That's all I'm sayin.

And this sweet little nugget. Or "Big" as he is referred to around here. I mean check him out. I (really we) marvel at him all the time. Every time people see him they are shocked by how big he has gotten. Truthfully, he was never one of those preemies who is so tiny that he could fit in the palm of your hand. He was small by "Eudaly" standards...but lots of people have 5 pound babies.
So there is an abundance of hugs and kisses around this house for ZackyBoy. Everybody wants to get there hands on him. Nick especially--total doting big brother. Sort of marvelous.

Oh. My. Gosh. There are no words to describe the wonderfulness of this doll. She is equal parts perfection and beligerance. She is unlike anything I have ever seen. She has moments of unadulterated attitude, followed by a moment of divine tenderness. Throw in a little mischevious giggle and that is about a minute and a half with her. Bliss.

So anyway you Fabulous Four. Love you more than words and time and mountains of clean laundry.

5. A little late.

I feel like you always end up all squished in the middle of things. Not getting our full attention. Not getting your allowance of time and adoration.
There were no "middle children" in my family growing up. Only the oldest and the youngest. So you, my NickyBobo, are my first experience with a middle child. And sometimes my heart breaks for you just a little.
Yet, you were made to be a middle child. You truly believe that Jake hung the moon. Anything he does is, in all reality, just about wonderful with you. And you would walk through fire for him. Anytime. But you are tender and compassionate for the littler members of your brigade. You worry over them. You hug and kiss them. You like them. You really, really like them. Even when sometimes they do things to you that are not all that likeable. You endure them with a big brother's tears and frustration.


Your birthday weekend was not uneventful this year. We had a real party planned. We really did. But your brother fell off his scooter, broke his head, and had to spend the night in the hosptial. And you had an asthma/croup attack and went to the ER in the middle of the night. So we cancelled your party and layed low. We had family and a few friends over. And you thought this was your party. And I'm not sure if I should correct you. And I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse. That you expectations for yourself are not big and grand. That your birthday kind of got squished off to the side in the midst of crazy.
And I just don't want you to feel squished off to the side. We are a family with a lot going on. We have been residing here on Chaos Island for quite some time--and there are lots of family members whose feelings I am pretty certain of. But yours. Yours my sweet boy, are more hidden and disguised. Not right on the surface--at least not in their natural state.

So, Nick (as you so adamantly want to be called), to you the Happiest of Happy Birthdays. May your dreams and wishes come true. May this year ahead be full of adventure and challenges. I hope it is a year of fantastic suprises and joyful delights. Full of driveway ice cream days and camp-out flashlight nights.
You are the best NickyBobo I could ever imagine.
Love you forever, no matter what!
Mommy

How we roll...

ohmygosh!

It's March.

By this time last year, we were practically living outside. However, this year has been a different story. The weather, and crazy life, has gotten the best of us.

But we kicked off our inaugural day of "outdoor season" with afternoon ice cream on the driveway. I like to think it helps control the mess, but if you saw the house this afternoon, you would think "what difference does it make? really."

Jake hooked a sista up with some swing pushing. (And this picture was taken from the deck at the top of the backyard--I had nothing to do with the swing pushing negotiations).

Nick, being the lovely brother that he is, stepped in when Jake had had enough.

And because I am always there with my camera. Here. It is. On film. The tortures that all siblings do. Unprovoked.

But, seriously, he wonders why she bites him. Come. On.

And Mister Man got to see the sunshine today. Hung out with his peeps in the garage.

That's how we roll.

Happy. Happy.

Emmy Grace...
I do believe that two suits you! How has this happened this explosion of you? Your words, your voice, your force. A whirlwind. A hurricane. A tornado. The whisper of wind on your face. The hands of my two year old girl on my face to turn me towards her for a hug. "My Mommy" you say to anyone within hearing distance. Over and over and over my heart claims you with that same song, "My Emmy". To indentify you as mine is a joy that paints my life in sunshine rays.


You have ideas. Big ideas. And already you are so capable of executing them. It rarely occurs to you to ask for help. Or permission. The risk of "the no" is too great for you. So instead you plunge on ahead. Certain. Sure. Hopefully we will encourage this in you. Refine it a bit perhaps. But it is the beginning of something that I hope blossoms and grows. A sense that God knew what he was doing when he made you. That he gave you a strong mind and capable hands to go through life with. For he knew already, how far these gifts would carry you.


Prettiest little girl. I've never thought a girl's looks are the most important thing about her. Because always. Always. There is so much more beneath the surface. Still, there has never in the world been a little girl that is more adorable. When I look at you everything about you makes me smile. Your dark, beautiful hair. Your brown eyes. Your teeny tiny nose. All these individual parts, put together to make up this adorable little you. I tell you all the time "I could eat you up". And its the truth. I am enraptured by you.


Happy, Happy Emmy! (as Cade says). And so to the rest of us follow. In all that we wish for you this coming year. My darling, amazing, delightful little girl.
Happy. Happy. Emmy.

Love you forever, no matter what,
Mommy

Thoughts

Heard a song yesterday. Profound.

It made me think about things. God's love for me, his child. God's love for my children--how it mirrors my own. Tender, sweet, fierce.

I so often refuse to look at how God constantly and consistently has demonstrated his love for me. I get wrapped up in the "not quite perfects" of life. I focus on the few things about my life that I would change, rather than the abundance of gifts that he has given me.

But when I stop to think about it, my heart is drawn to pause. Teary. Breathless. I am at a loss and out of my depths at a God who has such infinite love for his children. For me. His child. And I am shamed. At my lack of obedience, at my depth of foolishness, my vast carelessness with this love.

Hopeful. That at least for a few moments, every once in a while I will remember. Demonstrate. Love.

Love this picture.

Love these boys.

Love.

Long Time Coming

So, this blog seems like it has been a long time coming!
Finally, after 12 long weeks (7 for my hospital stay, and 5 for Zack), my entire family is under one roof. What an amazing gift, I wasn't sure we would ever receive.
Of course I am alternately overjoyed and completely terrified. Um, I don't know if I have ever mentioned that we have 4 children. 4 Children! 4! And Zack is so tiny. Fragile. Breakable. (If you saw what the other 3 did to their toys, furniture, walls, you would understand why I am scared).

So here we are--a family of 6. I don't know that when we got married, we imagined a house full of crazy like ours. But we are ready for the ride!

A little like this...

So, Christmas this year is looking a little like this....


and a little like this....

Perhaps these two separate things are not the way I would have chosen them. It is the "separateness" of these things that gets me. But instead I am going to bed tonight thankful that both of these events exist in my world right now. Spending time on a Sunday afternoon walking around the Gaylord, having lunch and looking at decorations, with three of my precious kiddos....And spending a Thursday night with Daryn and Zack and giving him a bottle. Tonight, when I close my eyes I am going to count all of my blessings, even if they aren't arranged and housed the way I would choose right now. Because they are blessings nevertheless, and for each of them I am so very grateful.

Prisoners of Hope

We got an unexpeceted Thanksgiving gift this year. Our sweet Zachary Asher was born on Wednesday, November 25th at 5:43 in the evening. His birth was the culmination of a long hospital stay on my behalf, and the birth of many unexpected emotions.

Precious Zack is still in the NICU at Baylor Grapevine Hospital. He was big, for a 32 weeker, when he was born (5lbs. 1oz.). However, his insides are still very immature.

This has been a trying time for us as a family. Joyful, yet divided hearts. Trusting one of your most precious treasures to people who you know are very capable, but still unkown to you. And mostly the complete realization that you are completely unable to help.

Still, we are so incredibly thankful for this precious boy. He was an unexpected blessing, a gift that we didn't know to ask for, and delight we didn't know we needed. Already he is loved beyond measure.

So, we anxiously await what we feel assured that God has promised us. The waiting may not be easy, but we know that if God has told us to wait, what he has told us to wait for is worth for is worth the waiting.

"Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you."

Zechariah 9:12

Just wanted to say,

There could never be a more beautiful you...

So Very Much More

The nice thing about being on bedrest in the hospital is that suddenly, you do feel as though you have an abundance of time. There is not the vast assortment of demands being made on my time that there was before, so it has given me an opportunity to go back and look through some things (like pictures) that I normally wouldn't go back and look at again (unless I was putting together a book, etc.)

I came across these pictures of Jake, buckling Emily into here seat. I have no idea where we were going, but obviously, I felt that I had enough time to photograph it from the passenger seat. And Jake looks relatively dressed up, and Emily looks relatively dressed down--so no idea where we were headed. However, sitting here in this chair in my room, it makes me smile. That I have a boy big enough to get his baby sister buckled into her car seat. That I have a boy who is willing to do such things.

Jake, you are going to make an amazing dad some day. I watch you with Nick and with Emily, and I can see the nurturing tendencies in you that will make you a loving and devoted dad. True, right now the packaging needs a little refinement--I mean you are eight, so you have to still have a lot of goofball left in you. But as I watch you, I can see the man you will be. It makes me very proud.



Nickle Pickle--I have no idea what you are doing in this picture, but it still makes me smile. This little face is the way you look at me all the time. Not a full on smile. A grin just big enough for me to see your dimple. Wow how I love that little smile. It has a way of brightening up my whole day.



Oh My Emmy Girl-how marvelous you are. Precocious. Adventurous. Faithful. There are so many things I love about you. What an unexpected gift you are. So different from anything I might ever have imagined, yet so much more. So very much more.

Real Life

It is good to know that no matter what the circumstances, life still goes on. A sweet (and extremely talented photographer) friend of mine, not only watched after my three punks last Thursday--but she also took pictures. The kind of pictures I love. Snapshots of my real life. Glimpses of the real things that happen in my house. Not pretty perfectly posed pictures with all three of my children smiling sweetly at the camera. Because honestly, that kind of picture doesn't happen at my house. At least not all three smiling at the exact same moment.

What happens are moments more like this....

My heart aches that I missed this moment. My heart aches over all the moments I have missed the past 2 weeks. My heart aches at those still yet to come.

But it is so good to know that my children are still laughing. My children are still having these kind of giggly moments. And someone captured it for me. So, even thought I wasn't there...it is almost like I was.

Hopefully these three punks will forget all this time the moment my foot hits the door. This time will disappear as quickly as it came. But I am so glad that so many people are doing so much to keep their lives as normal as possilbe. And I love that so many people are doing so much to make sure that my children are still laughing.

My sweet little cupcakes, you are joy to me. I miss you so very much, and I am so glad to see the lovely smiles on your faces.

It's a Zoo Out Here

So, my girl got to go to the zoo today. She went with Yaya and Sissy and Cade. From what I have heard, the weather was perfect. I did open the window to my room for a bit, and the breeze was lovely--so I imagine it would have been perfect zoo weather today.

I was a little sad that I didn't get to take my pretty girl to the zoo. Going out for a leisurely stroll in the sunshine. Spend some time with the elephants. Avoid the aviary...that kind of thing. But, today was the first day that both of her boys were gone to school while mommy was away. And this morning, she seemed antsy for an outing. So the four of them packed up and headed off for wild adventures.


Sissy took some pictures, but after spending a year in front of the camera, this little punk has become a little more finnicky about when she is going to smile.

And it has only been one week and a day since I have touched her in person, but over the webcam I have been noticing some changes. First of all, her hair has been growing some more. It is so long. By the time I am home, she might be ready for a ponytail. And words, she has so many words now.


I hate that I missed this. I hate that I missed watching these two little munchkins on an adventure all their own. No big boys around to direct their steps...just two sweet babies enjoying a day in the big wide world!

My sweet precious baby girl. The world is full of beautiful and exciting new adventures. May you embrace them all. May the Lord protect and keep you as you are apart from me.

I love you so very much!